Mrs. Basko, Please, Please, Oh Pretty Pretty Please, With Sprinkles and A Cherry On Top...Revise my Hole Paper

This assignment for this paper said to take a picture and then write a story to go with it.  I found this picture and realized that I already knew all about the picture because it came from a National Geographic issue that I had read in a waiting room.  So I wrote the paper with what I already knew about the topic. So here is what I want to know, there is no dialogue so are the characters developed enough, is it even a little believable, and semantics.

THE BLUE HOLE

           

I hate my brother; I can’t believe he put peppermint spray all over the mouth piece to my respirator.  He knows that I hate the taste of peppermint. He can be so immature for a twenty-nine year old.  And he had to pick this trip of all trips. This was the most epic diving expedition ever, like Everest to a mountain climber.  We were actually diving in the blue hole.  This blue hole was special because it has not been flooded with fresh sea water in years.  There was literally a stratification of salt water on the bottom and fresh water on top.  But even the sea water on the bottom was special because it doesn’t have any oxygen in it, at all. Period.  So all the bacteria and fungus down here is likely going to be very close to any life that astronauts might find on any other planet. So this is like taking a dive into another world.  I am so proud to be on this expedition even if it is with my brother the prankster. He never takes anything serious.

            I don’t even think we have spent this much time together since we were children.  The whole expedition had to go through months of training to be able to dive here.  The training was mainly for two reasons, the two reasons why (like Everest) this dive was more dangerous than any dive we have done before or will ever do again.  In the layer where the salt water from the ocean and the stale fresh water mingle a huge thick cloud of red-orange bacteria live, blocking the only entrance in.  This bacteria is deadly toxic and you have to be strong to make it through the cloud.  And then, if you make it, you have to have a minimum or 3-4 hours of recovery time before you can go up through them again.  This means that there is no quick out if something goes wrong, You Will Die.  The second danger is the caverns below (the place where we are going to study).  It is a labyrinth of undistinguishable caverns filled with highly fragile life forms that could die with the slightest kick of a flipper.  If you get lost or separated or, more likely, if your rope breaks, you are stuck without chance of rescue in the middle of a maze. The training had to be done to prepare but, unlike Everest, this marvel of science was going to be destroyed soon.  Global warming was melting the poles and raising the water levels.  Soon the ocean would overrun the blue hole and destroy the unique situation that existed here.  We were on a time limit but we had to go through training, no cutting corners when safety was involved.

So, lots of training had to be done and now we are in the water ready to descend into the cloud.  We all have to go down at once in order to have the best chance of staying together so when our guide gives the sign we all begin flipper our way down.

My first thought when I entered the cloud was “Wow, I can’t see anything but red-orange.” Followed quickly by the ever present “I hate peppermint” and “I am going to kill him.”  Very quickly though, I had other problems. I began to get dizzy and nauseous after only ten seconds in the cloud.  They said it takes about sixty to get through but most people don’t feel the effects before thirty.  I begin to breathe faster, clinging to my peppermint flavored respirator.  Calm down, calm down, calm down I keep telling myself it’s nothing big I am just a little more susceptible than most to the bacteria.  According to my training the most important thing to do was to always keep going and not vomit.  If I had to take the respirator out of my mouth to vomit I would get the bacteria water in my mouth and that could have permanent repercussions. 

How long has it been? Was it taking my longer than a minute? Was I even going the right way? Have I gotten turned around in this cloud of sensory deprivation?  Oh my God I can’t breath!

Then I break through the bottoms and find the rest of the divers already there and waiting for me.  Guess I took longer than a minute to come through. But that doesn’t matter, I am so thankful I can breathe and the relief is instantaneous.  Although the all the effects are still there they are no longer getting worse. 

We all look around.  The only sources of light are our flashlights which are all directed at each other right now.  My brother gives me a thumbs up, whether he is telling me he’s okay or asking if I‘m okay doesn’t really matter.  I give my brother a grateful thumbs up back.  He can be infuriatingly flippant but there are always the times when I am glad I have a brother.

The guide is going around the group checking to make sure we are okay and that we have enough oxygen.  My brother is down here for that purpose; his sole job is to carry the extra tanks around.  Everyone is resting and recovering, except our guide.  He has been down here so many times this whole procedure is no big deal.  He gets to me and I give the signal that I am okay even though I still feel like I am going to hurl and are so dizzy I won’t be able to flipper in a straight line.  He looks at my oxygen gauge and his eyes go wide and he immediately motions for my brother to come over.  I look down at my gauge and find it is already a quarter gone.  Our tanks are supposed to last us four hours.  I used up an hour of oxygen in less than 5 minutes.  That means that my brother is going to have to give me a spare tank before this dive is over.

My brother looks, then shrugs and flippers away from us.  He would give me a tank when I needed it.  The guide taps the gauge to my oxygen and gives me a look, obviously emphasizing the need to watch my oxygen level.  I nod and he moves away.

For the first time I look around and nearly lose my respirator in astonishment.  We are in a cavern with branches going off in all directions.  While I gawk the whole team moves off towards the cavern that is marked on the bottom with a brick (this means it has been semi-explored and is the tunnel we are supposed to go down).  I am last into the tunnel.

The flashlights we carry turn the rough walls a sea green.  They cast shadows on the walls which give the tunnel a very mysterious look.  Once we enter the tunnel the floor drops away and it appears that the tunnel has no floor, just a bottomless pit of blackness.  There is no sound except the occasional exhale of bubbles from my respirator.  The silence is profound and peaceful. 

I raise my waterproof camera and snap a shot as the team flippers away.  I have to catch up, lots more pictures to take. My brother looks back and makes hurry up motion, I have a job to do.  I have to take pictures of all the things we collect or see down here in this marvel of a blue hole. They will analyze it later when we are all safely back topside.  I am even beginning to feel better, I take a huge, wasteful, peppermint breathe and follow my brother deeper into the blue hole.