Extra, Extra, If You Want to Read an Extra Entry Click Here

As I was reviewing my portfolio I thought I would add this on, it is my favorite paper I wrote last year. If anyone reads it please comment and tell my what you thought about it overall. (Did you enjoy reading it? Was it interesting?)

Runaway Spaceship

“I can’t believe the trash that this company allows to join their missions.  I mean really, to be flying to a space station on Mars with a cowboy, a two year old, and who knows what else is unacceptable.  This is supposed to be a highly respectable company that we are flying for.  You know I’m a volunteer; I didn’t have to do this.   I come from a rich family; I could have had my own hospital built for my baby.  But no, I volunteered to have my baby in space as the first ever.  I will get my name in all the text books and …”

The rest of the crew just stared at the walls of the shuttle.  They had all met each other for the first time that morning right before lift off and Miss Prima Dona had complained non-stop since then.  All of them had found out the hard way that arguing back just made her yell instead of talk.  But the cowboy didn’t get his hat for nothing.

“Listen Lady, You ain’t the center of this here mission.  We are the very first space ship ta run on hydrogen alone.  In addition we is delivr’in this here youngster, the youngest ev’r to be in space, to the station as well as two oth’r portant passengers an six oth’r crew members.  You is just a minor detail stuck ‘n the end of all that.” 

The rest of the crew slapped their heads and gave disparaging looks at the cowboy.  “Here we go again,” muttered Dave under his breath.  Sure enough… “I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM NOT A MINOR DETAIL, AND THAT IS HORIBBLE ENGLISH.  IF I AM GOING TO BE STUCK WITH YOU…” on and on it went. 

At this time the pilot stuck her head in.  “I hate to interrupt you love-birds but we have a problem.”  The pilot had said this remark many times since they crew had come together so no one was really concerned.  “Wha’s the problem now?” drawled the cowboy after a short pause.

“We about reached the station now.” Replied the pilot in a rather monotone voice.  If it wasn’t for her bleak expression the entire crew might have written it off as unimportant.

“Well, tha’s good, ain’t it?  We’ll be there early.” Said the cowboy apprehensible

 “When was the last time you traveled some 22,320,000 miles in an hour? If you read the mission briefing at all you would know.”

“What don’t we know?”

“We are traveling in a prototype and we are now traveling at speeds that man has never achieved before.  Which is a huge breakthrough and is very good except that we have no way to control it, no way to steer it, and no way to stop it” 

The silence after her words only lasted a few seconds then the room exploded with everyone talking at once. Above all voices the screams of the Prima Dona could be heard, “WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE. WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!”

“Hey, everyone shut ya traps. Yowling ain’t gonna help us none.”  The general crew subsided almost instantaneously.  “Tha’s better, now seems to me the first thing ta do is radio back ta the control center an tell ‘em wha’s happened.”

“Won’t work.” Asserted Dave immediately

“An’ why not?”

“I believe that the hydrogen that is driving our vessel is fusing to become helium and so on, just like the sun, making us travel at roughly twice the speed of light.  Traveling at twice the speed of light any radio waves we send out would be warped by our speed and thus rendered incomprehensible to any that might hear it.”

The cowboy let out a sigh “They really did pick you for ya brain.  Awright, so we stop this ‘ves-sel’ and then send out a message.”

“Won’t work.”

“Well now wha’?” demanded the cowboy

“Speed, like any other force of nature, is unstoppable.  Even if we shut off power to the engines we would glide for and undeterminable length of time before being slow enough to get a message out.”

“Well does any other person have anoth’r idear…? No, well then I says it’s worth a try. How da we turn this thing off.”  The cowboy strutted down the short hallway to the pilot’s cockpit and looked at the hundreds of buttons that covered the walls.  “Ya know how to right?”  He looked imploringly at the pilot, she shook her head, and “I only know how to shut the whole ship down, not just the engine.”  The cowboy looks around and then back.  “Do it.”

The Prima Dona, having been quiet for a change no broke in “Oh my God, this man is insane! God help us all.”

“Ya think that God is gonna help us, ya think he is gonna stop this here ship.  If he’s out there do ya really think he cares abou’ y’all, or any a us.”  Now the Prima Dona broke down in tears and the cowboy looked repentant but after a moment turned away.

“How ya turn it off?” The pilot now looked completely defeated and just looked at him, at least until the cowboy picked him up by her shirtfront.  “Damn ya, how ya turn it off?” Now looking more scared than defeated she answered shakily “Um… that there button must be held down and that lever must be held down at the same time.” Upon getting set down she collapsed in a heap and just lay on the floor.

The cowboy threw his weight on the specified button and then reached for the lever.  Before he could reach it another pair of hands grabbed it and the Prima Dona, still snuffling, pushed it down.

The change was immediate, the lights went out, all the noise stopped, and a feeling of deceleration could be felt, and then nothing.  For a long time it seemed that each person was the only person in the world.

As the cabin lights went out a small blue glow could be noticed through the only window in the pilot’s cabin.  Once more the cowboy could see the pregnant Prima Dona and the collapsed pilot.  As one they both turned towards the window and looked out and outside the ship were shiny asteroids reflecting in a star with a backdrop of hundreds more asteroids and far of stars.  It was as wonderful as a first view on a night sky on a spring night “We’re not en Kansas an’ more.” Commented the cowboy softly.  “We are so tiny, so insignificant compared to that.” Whispered the Prima Dona.  The cowboy looked at her now and realized that she wasn’t so much of a Prima Dona after all “I always believed that but ya know wha’, those asteroids ain’t significant neither. They jus’ seem tha’ way… we should use the radio now.”

“Won’t work.” came a distant reply from Dave

“Why won’t it work now?”

“Because our radio was connected to our power which is gone now, thus it won’t work.”

The pervasive silence of space once more invaded the ship.  Then in a half strangled voice the cowboy slowly asked “Why did ya let me do it then?”

The equally quiet voice from the passengers hold replied, “Because there was no logical solution that might result in our survival and there is no worth in a man who refuses to try. Rather than give into despair one should try an unsuccessful course then try nothing at all. Either way we will die so which do you prefer?”

The Prima Dona thought about that for a second then said with more fierceness than most of the crew imagined she possessed “I would imagine you are right on all count except one.  There is always hope, something might happen to save us.  Maybe God is watching and he will send us a miracle.”

How-To Write an Interesting Title, Oh, I Mean How-To Reflect On a How-To Paper

When I first got the assignment I thought of the ever-elusive How To Make A Peanut Butter Sandwich assingment that no one could do competently in fourth grade.  After we read the examples I felt much better and decided that although I am not really a humourous person originally I would try to write a humerous paper.   My partner and I were going over possible topics and she came up with "How To Stay Dry When it is Raining" and it was the suggestion that seemed like we could write it best, compared to the others.
Writing the paper was easy. My partner, Cassie, helped me come up with the original points and I took it from there.  The writing just seemed to roll off of the keyboard onto the screen.  The only obsitcal that I experienced came from a lack of a partner to bounce ideas off of and to proof read what I wrote but I am usually a solo writer so having no partner was only a minor annoyance.
If I was to revise it now I would reword to introduction to include how to stay dryer than you would without an umbrella because that is what some of the points are about not just "how to stay dry when traveling in less than ideal weather".  I would also include in the "Wait untill it stops raining" suggestion that the person wait by a window so as to keep an eye on the weather.  Some sentences need to be reworded because they are a little awkward. Like "This works best if you already have a friend with an umbrella nearby.  If not this method could keep you dry."   I think I should combine it into one sentence.  Those are the only things that I would change.
I would also like to say that upon reading it after leaving it alone for so long I am happy to see that I actually wrote a funny paper. Like "Warning: depending on what you choose to use (as an improvised umbrella), this method may result in looking stupid." I am usually a very serious person.

How to stay dry when it is raining outside

It happens to many people all around the world, you walk out the door and into a downpour.  No one likes to be wet (which usually leads to cold) and some more sensitive materials that you may be carrying (ipod, computer, papers, books, etc.) can be damaged by the water in the deluge.  So if you lack an umbrella or raincoat how do you stay dry when traveling in less than ideal weather?

*1. Steal someone’s umbrella

This works best when the person is not paying attention. Choose someone who looks less physically fit as you, so you can out run them.   Nab their umbrella; open it while running, then run like hell.  They probably won’t chase you because they don’t want to get wet.

2.   Run from building to building/take shelter on the go

Usually there will be structures under which you can take cover and stay dryer.  Run from structure to structure. Especially look for overhangs of buildings because they work best. Avoid trees because they drip and that is counterproductive to the goal of staying dry.

3.   Buy a raincoat

There are many places (especially in urban settings or around attractions) where there are venders of souvenir raincoats or umbrella.  They are usually overpriced but often it is worth the price to stay dry.

4.   Make a raincoat or an umbrella out of the materials that are available

People in today’s world rarely walk around carrying nothing at all.  Items such as purses, backpacks, binders, and even pizza boxes can be held above your head to block as much of the rain as possible. (Note: do not use anything that you would not want to get wet.)  You can also buy something from a nearby vendor that you could use as an improvised umbrella. Warning: depending on what you choose to use, this method may result in looking stupid.

*5. Make friends with someone with an umbrella

This works best if you already have a friend with an umbrella nearby.  If not this method could keep you dry.  Choose a person that looks like they would help you and preferably of the opposing sex.  Approach the person and try to appear meek.  Tell them a story that is believable, true of not, so as to supply and explanation as to your lack of weather gear and why you would like to share their umbrella.  If the person does not appear receptive, back away and choose a different method or revert to method 1.

6. Avoid puddles

When you are young puddles are delightful opportunities for fun however with the goal of staying dry in mind they become pit traps of danger.  Even with an umbrella or raincoat these little pools of water can be dangerous.  Depending on the depth of the puddle one misstep could lead to total failure to remain dry.  So, examine the ground before you at all times.  Look for the reflection of light off the surface of water on the ground to judge whether you can step there in reasonable safety.  Attempt to walk on high ground and paved roads because puddles can hide under grass or leaves undetectable. Most importantly, if you see a puddle, go around.

7. Get a car

One of the many advantages of cars built after 1891 is that they have roofs and windshields that can protect you from the natural elements of wetness.  The key is to always park as close to the building you are going to enter as possible.  That way you have the shortest distance to walk and when it rains the least amount of wetness.  After entering the car you will be able to travel in comfort and be very happy watching all the poor saps that don’t have cars getting wet.

8. Walk don’t run

Worse case scenario, no raincoat, no umbrella, and no other option, you must walk through the rain to get to your destination.  In this absolutely horrible case it is better (believe it or not) to walk through the rain and not run.  When you run you take up more raindrops because you are moving into them as you move.  It is scientifically proven that it is better to walk calmly through the rain then to run.

9. Wait till it stops raining

It never rains forever (at least not yet it hasn’t) so just head back inside, find something to preoccupy yourself and wait.  Usually the average storm is over in about two hours so pending it started while you were still inside it will usually be less than two hours till it stops.  Then you can head on your way safe and dry, although we suggest you refer to 6 as there will still be puddles on the ground.

10. Don’t walk close to roads

When cars drive through puddles on the road it often sends up a huge wave, usually right onto the sidewalk.  In order to minimize wetness walk on the far side of the side walk in order to avoid this unpleasant hazard.

11. Stop caring, its only rain

I mean, come on, its only water.  If you have something that needs protecting, protect it with your body by hunching over it or by placing it under your shirt or jacket.  A little water never hurt anyone, you are only getting wet.  If you get soaked it could be unpleasant but really life is about more.  Most of the time you are just heading home where you can change your clothes and curl up in a blanket on the couch.  We suggest that you go out and dance in the rain at least once in your life because it is good for you (do it when it is not thundering, and preferably warm outside)

*This publication is not responsible for any arrests or convictions that may result from the use of the methods suggested

The New Ends Sends the Message (Sins Paper)

In this conclusion I am going to review key points; the key point for this paper is  that no on likes a Betty.  This conclusion has its draw as a unifier that draws together all the paper into a finishing statement that should leave the reader reflection on what they just read.
That night after closing the manager stepped back for a moment and surveyed the room, there were seven points in the room that drew his focus.  Betty White's stool, Betty Snotty's traditional place by the window, Betty Boobs still sweat covered mat, Betty Food's discarded food rappers and bags,  the clock that dictated Betty Want's tantrums, the marks on the wall where Betty Rage's misplaced anger had been taken out, and the former "horde" of dumbbells that was Betty More's prized possessions.  He sighed, closed his eyes, and imagined how much easier his life would be if there were no Betties.

In this conclusion I am attempting to supply how the reader can use the information in the paper.  This is slightly humorous and probably needs a lot of work before it can be published in the paper but I believe it could be a very good conclusion.
Now in this world of bench press benches and dumbbells there are the Betties and the people who are not named Betties.  Although it is not as obvious in the real world there are also Betties and non-Betties, and you can use the information provided in this essay to navigate the real world as well as the fictional ones.  If you see a Betty roll your eyes and look away like the many bystanders at the WCWC, because if you confront them it will only lead to becoming a Betty yourself.  If you are not sure that you are a Betty or not then you probably are and the writer of this paper advises you to step back from the world for a minute and contemplate your actions, because no one likes a Betty.

Mrs. Basko, Please, Please, Oh Pretty Pretty Please, With Sprinkles and A Cherry On Top...Revise my Hole Paper

This assignment for this paper said to take a picture and then write a story to go with it.  I found this picture and realized that I already knew all about the picture because it came from a National Geographic issue that I had read in a waiting room.  So I wrote the paper with what I already knew about the topic. So here is what I want to know, there is no dialogue so are the characters developed enough, is it even a little believable, and semantics.

THE BLUE HOLE

           

I hate my brother; I can’t believe he put peppermint spray all over the mouth piece to my respirator.  He knows that I hate the taste of peppermint. He can be so immature for a twenty-nine year old.  And he had to pick this trip of all trips. This was the most epic diving expedition ever, like Everest to a mountain climber.  We were actually diving in the blue hole.  This blue hole was special because it has not been flooded with fresh sea water in years.  There was literally a stratification of salt water on the bottom and fresh water on top.  But even the sea water on the bottom was special because it doesn’t have any oxygen in it, at all. Period.  So all the bacteria and fungus down here is likely going to be very close to any life that astronauts might find on any other planet. So this is like taking a dive into another world.  I am so proud to be on this expedition even if it is with my brother the prankster. He never takes anything serious.

            I don’t even think we have spent this much time together since we were children.  The whole expedition had to go through months of training to be able to dive here.  The training was mainly for two reasons, the two reasons why (like Everest) this dive was more dangerous than any dive we have done before or will ever do again.  In the layer where the salt water from the ocean and the stale fresh water mingle a huge thick cloud of red-orange bacteria live, blocking the only entrance in.  This bacteria is deadly toxic and you have to be strong to make it through the cloud.  And then, if you make it, you have to have a minimum or 3-4 hours of recovery time before you can go up through them again.  This means that there is no quick out if something goes wrong, You Will Die.  The second danger is the caverns below (the place where we are going to study).  It is a labyrinth of undistinguishable caverns filled with highly fragile life forms that could die with the slightest kick of a flipper.  If you get lost or separated or, more likely, if your rope breaks, you are stuck without chance of rescue in the middle of a maze. The training had to be done to prepare but, unlike Everest, this marvel of science was going to be destroyed soon.  Global warming was melting the poles and raising the water levels.  Soon the ocean would overrun the blue hole and destroy the unique situation that existed here.  We were on a time limit but we had to go through training, no cutting corners when safety was involved.

So, lots of training had to be done and now we are in the water ready to descend into the cloud.  We all have to go down at once in order to have the best chance of staying together so when our guide gives the sign we all begin flipper our way down.

My first thought when I entered the cloud was “Wow, I can’t see anything but red-orange.” Followed quickly by the ever present “I hate peppermint” and “I am going to kill him.”  Very quickly though, I had other problems. I began to get dizzy and nauseous after only ten seconds in the cloud.  They said it takes about sixty to get through but most people don’t feel the effects before thirty.  I begin to breathe faster, clinging to my peppermint flavored respirator.  Calm down, calm down, calm down I keep telling myself it’s nothing big I am just a little more susceptible than most to the bacteria.  According to my training the most important thing to do was to always keep going and not vomit.  If I had to take the respirator out of my mouth to vomit I would get the bacteria water in my mouth and that could have permanent repercussions. 

How long has it been? Was it taking my longer than a minute? Was I even going the right way? Have I gotten turned around in this cloud of sensory deprivation?  Oh my God I can’t breath!

Then I break through the bottoms and find the rest of the divers already there and waiting for me.  Guess I took longer than a minute to come through. But that doesn’t matter, I am so thankful I can breathe and the relief is instantaneous.  Although the all the effects are still there they are no longer getting worse. 

We all look around.  The only sources of light are our flashlights which are all directed at each other right now.  My brother gives me a thumbs up, whether he is telling me he’s okay or asking if I‘m okay doesn’t really matter.  I give my brother a grateful thumbs up back.  He can be infuriatingly flippant but there are always the times when I am glad I have a brother.

The guide is going around the group checking to make sure we are okay and that we have enough oxygen.  My brother is down here for that purpose; his sole job is to carry the extra tanks around.  Everyone is resting and recovering, except our guide.  He has been down here so many times this whole procedure is no big deal.  He gets to me and I give the signal that I am okay even though I still feel like I am going to hurl and are so dizzy I won’t be able to flipper in a straight line.  He looks at my oxygen gauge and his eyes go wide and he immediately motions for my brother to come over.  I look down at my gauge and find it is already a quarter gone.  Our tanks are supposed to last us four hours.  I used up an hour of oxygen in less than 5 minutes.  That means that my brother is going to have to give me a spare tank before this dive is over.

My brother looks, then shrugs and flippers away from us.  He would give me a tank when I needed it.  The guide taps the gauge to my oxygen and gives me a look, obviously emphasizing the need to watch my oxygen level.  I nod and he moves away.

For the first time I look around and nearly lose my respirator in astonishment.  We are in a cavern with branches going off in all directions.  While I gawk the whole team moves off towards the cavern that is marked on the bottom with a brick (this means it has been semi-explored and is the tunnel we are supposed to go down).  I am last into the tunnel.

The flashlights we carry turn the rough walls a sea green.  They cast shadows on the walls which give the tunnel a very mysterious look.  Once we enter the tunnel the floor drops away and it appears that the tunnel has no floor, just a bottomless pit of blackness.  There is no sound except the occasional exhale of bubbles from my respirator.  The silence is profound and peaceful. 

I raise my waterproof camera and snap a shot as the team flippers away.  I have to catch up, lots more pictures to take. My brother looks back and makes hurry up motion, I have a job to do.  I have to take pictures of all the things we collect or see down here in this marvel of a blue hole. They will analyze it later when we are all safely back topside.  I am even beginning to feel better, I take a huge, wasteful, peppermint breathe and follow my brother deeper into the blue hole.

The Original Super-Long Paper (Sins Paper)

I believe that this paper is better for not having a lengthy introduction or a definite conclusion.  Really the conclusion is the last sentence. The sudden end to the paper will make the reader reflect more on the last sentence which is what I want.  To be honest, this paper is not written for others to read.  It is a cleaver story about over-the-top fictional gym that can't really be related to life at large.  I enjoy reading my own work but I doubt that anyone else would like to read this paper, the length is daunting.  I did improve on Betty Rage and Betty More by adding some length and cut some length off Betty Snotty and did some general clean up but other than that not much changed.

All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at a Gym

 If you were to look into the Wayne County Workout Center (WCWC), a glorified name for a gym, you would see nothing unusual, unless you count seven women with the same names that should go to confession for their sins unusual.

            See, look over there and you will see Betty White.  Her real name is Betty Smith but everyone calls her Betty White because there were seven Betties in the town and because she is perpetually wearing a white shirt.  This would be a good thing except that it makes her very white blond hair and pale skin fade into the background of the white gym walls.  You wouldn’t see her if you just glanced in.

            You also wouldn’t see her because she never moves.  She only joined the gym to get her husband to stop nagging her about getting in better shape.  “You look like a blob!” he would yell at her unmoving face where she sprawled on the couch.  So she would slowly blink, slowly rise, and then slowly walk to the gym next door to her house where she would plop down in the cushioned stool in the corner by the door and sit there and rest for hours before reversing the process. 

She was the joke of the gym, most people know she is there and make jokes at Betty White where she sat leading against the white walls.  Most of them wouldn’t even bother to move out of her earshot to do so.

The most ostentatious and creative of the insulters was Betty Snotty.  Her real name was Betty Whin but everyone called her Betty Snotty behind her back because, well, she was.  She would flounce into the gym to be meeting by her group of admirers who would be waiting for her.  All her so called admirers actually hated her but would never show it because to leave the Betty Snotty admirers would be social suicide.  So day after day her admirers strove to be good sheep and never let on that they hated her.

They would even laugh at her jokes at Betty White no matter how stupid they got.  “She wears white, she is white, you know I bet she even breathes white.” All her admirers would give a few fake laughs. 

Always encouraged by her followers she gave a quiet sigh of contentment “No one can put things in perspective like me, I’m the best!  I don’t even know why the gym manager allows people like her to work in the same gym as me.  Actually why work out at all? Everyone should give their full attention to me.”  This was followed by general murmurings of consent

But secretly she felt a tiny twinge of unease because some of her followers, especially the males, did not in fact give her their full attention because they were watching someone else.

Across the gym from her Betty Boob was doing push-ups.  She had another name but no one remembered it.  She was quiet and never spoke to anyone because she spoke with her body.  Knowing full well that she was hot in every definition of the word she would put on a little sexual show every time she came to the gym.  She enjoyed the power that she felt every time she saw people staring at her skimpy sweat covered body.

She finished her push-ups and slowly stood up sliding her arms along her body till they were over her head as she stretched for the sky.  Most every male eye in the room was on her and she enjoyed it to much too ever give it up.  The one exception to her domain of power, the one person who did not pay any attention to her, was Betty Food. She drew comfort from the fact that no one cared about her any more than they did Betty White so she would languidly pick up her pair of dumbbells and continue her show.

Betty Food was oblivious to almost everything.  She had just as much girth as Betty White but was much more energetic.  She always turned all her attention onto her food.  Each day she would bring a giant dinner into the gym and eat it. She came in, started eating, finished eating and left.  Although she never exercised the patron of the WCWC never threw her out because she paid enormous sums of money to the gym in “donations”, otherwise known as bribes.

She was another person that no one liked because she was always yelling things.  Her short mousy hair would nearly stand up as her scrunched up face would consume another bite of hot dog.  She would open up her mouth wider than you would think possible and yell “Are you hungry?!  Anyone want any hot dog!?” into the room at no one in particular.  “Because if you do it’s to bad because I have some and you don’t!” Most of the normal people would roll their eyes and continue to work out, they all knew better than to say anything to her.

When she was finished she would reach her pudgy hands into her lunch bag and say “There’s no more! THERE’S NO MORE!!! Did you steal it?! Did you or you?!”  Then she would toddle her enormous persons around the room and accuse everyone except Betty Boob and Betty Snotty (who she would ignore) of stealing her food.  Then she would storm out of the room and everyone would heavy a sigh.  It was over until tomorrow when Betty Food would be back again.

There was one person in the store who wanted Betty Food’s hot dog because she wanted everything.  Betty Want, as she was called, really wanted everything.  She wanted the best pair of dumbbells, the best spot in the room.   Those were the easy ones; people would just give her anything she asked for and thereby bypass the huge fit that would otherwise follow.

No, it was the things that Betty Want wanted that she couldn’t have that made everyone suffer and hate her.  She would bounce over to Betty Boob and say very calmly in a rather little girlish voice “I want to have a body like yours.” 

Betty Boob slowly looked up from her position stretching on the ground. “To bad, work harder.” Then bent her head back dawn to resume stretching.

“But I want a body like yours now! NNNNOOOOWWW!!!!!!!”  She would then proceed to stamp her feet, yell, and throw things until the clock struck 8:00 then she would transform into a sweet little girl and thank the owner of the gym and calmly walk out.

Usually that was when Betty Rage would start.  First it would be a bench that was not clean, then a lack of dumbbells.  Any imperfection would set her off; sometimes she would go off for no reason at all. When ever something did set her off she would start throwing fists.  She was a very average woman but her eye sight was terrible and she had no more glasses because she broke them all.  Therefore she had such bad aim she would rarely hit anyone or anything she swung at.  The danger came from collateral damage so most steered clear of her general direction. 

Sometimes the manager would call the police to come and pick Betty Rage up, but it never came to anything because, like Betty Food, Betty Rage used her money to get out of paying the consequences for what she had done.  The manager would revoke her membership but she would just show up again and do the same things as before so he just reinstated her membership because that way at least he was getting some reimbursement for the trouble Betty Rage caused.

Shortly after the manager got one or two of the stronger men members to help him expel Betty Rage from the gym he would have to go over and attempt to get some dumbbells away from Betty More.  Everyday Betty More would get as many exercise materials as possible and horde them. She never used them, never exercised, and would never move from her horde if the gym never closed. 

If you really wanted something all you have to do is go to her corner get it and make a very fast retreat because Betty More would not stray far from her horde of dumbbells for anything because she was constantly paranoid that others would “steal” them from her.  Routinely, about every fifteen minutes, the manager would walk over grab a few and run away, then had them out to others who would actually use them.
That night after closing the manager stepped back for a moment and surveyed the room, there were seven points in the room that drew his focus.  Betty White's stool, Betty Snotty's traditional place by the window, Betty Boobs still sweat covered mat, Betty Food's discarded food rappers and bags,  the clock that dictated Betty Want's tantrums, the marks on the wall where Betty Rage's misplaced anger had been taken out, and the former "horde" of dumbbells that was Betty More's prized possessions.  He sighed, closed his eyes, and imagined how much easier his life would be if there were no Betties.

Reflecting On How to Improve My Sins (Paper)

When we first read "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at Church Bake Sale" I thought it was another paper that we were forced to read in English.  It was not exceptionally good, didn't catch my interest, and I only read it and studied it because I had to for a grade.  I got no pleasure by reading it but I do value my grade. I can hardly remember it now.  Our assignment was to copy it with a different setting, which did not give us as much creative leeway as I would have liked.  I like writing stories; the whole he said, she said, then suddenly kind of paper.  This was the first assignment of the year that pushed me away from that.  I started the assignment writing a story but after a day and a half of work realized that it was not connected to the assignment and had to scratch the entire essay, plot, and ideas and start over, outside of class mostly.  This makes this piece probably the worst piece I have written this year because I don't work well at home and felt very rushed into finishing it before the deadline.  You can almost see the shift from detailed "usual Sam" work to "I need to finish it no matter how bad it is" work.  The part that I thought I did the best came from the beginning, my characterization of Betty White, the exemplifier of sloth.“You look like a blob!” he (husband) would yell at her unmoving face where she sprawled on the couch.  So she would slowly blink, slowly rise, and then slowly walk to the gym next door to her house where she would plop down in the cushioned stool in the corner by the door and sit there and rest for hours before reversing the process.  I think that is really good and unlike most of my work sums it up in a reasonable length paragraph.  Conversely I found the difference between greed and envy hard to portray. Their characters came out the same, both the kind of spoiled brats who want more and will physically fight and yell to get it.  The only difference between them is that greed (Betty More) wants more of the same stuff and envy (Betty Want) wants everything.  Though in revision I intend to develop Betty More more so that she can become different than Betty Want.  As I said before  I like to write and  read stories so writing an exemplification paper was different.  I had to write about things in general versus a specific day.  I became the calm observer of facts versus the in the moment bias narrator. I had to spend time informing and describing rather than on a plot. All of those were difficult for me to do, it went against the grain.  With this paper I did successfully get over that hurdle and I found that once I got going it was easy to continue.
When I read the paper again for the first time it was immediately obvious that the time constraints affected my quality of writing.  The time spent characterization of the separate sins was very uneven.  Betty Rage has only 3 lines of type and is never mentioned after or before that, the time scrunch shows.  Usually my standard of writing is higher, that said I thought that my beginning minus my introduction was really good. And I really was minus an introduction, I just dove in with a one sentence introduction.  Perhaps this is because I don't have a point, I meant this paper to be an over the top artificial account of an imaginary workout center, not an account of how the seven deadly sins are reflected in our world today in workout centers.  If I was writing that kind of paper then it really doesn't need an introduction in the traditional sense like the green sheet that we had to complete yesterday suggested I needed.  I really can't think of much that needs saying before the guts of the paper.  I do need to make it more clear that this is about the seven deadly sins so that the reader would know that.  Once that is stated I believe there is enough examples to thoroughly support my story of sins.  I need to expand Betty Rage and Betty More and shrink Betty Snotty but other than that the lengths were good, I like writing long papers.  Especially Betty Rage because she only has 3 lines.  
Usually that was when Betty Rage would start.  First it would be a bench that was not clean, then a lack of dumbbells.  When ever something set her off she would start throwing fists.  She had such bad aim she would rarely hit anyone but most steered clear of her general direction.
 I will try to put in a more emphatic introduction because Mrs. Basko says it is better for papers.  As I said before the best part of my paper was Betty White at the beginning, but after I got into it I realized I had a really strong tone going on.  It sounded like I was actually having you look in the window of the workout center and pointing at the different people.
See, look over there and you will see Betty White. 

You also wouldn’t see her because she never moves. 

Those are just some examples, I liked that about my paper.

Improving Introductions Is Important (Food Paper)

In my original introduction I started out with a brief summary of the potato chip history told in a over-the-top fairytale tone that contrasted dynamically with the subject matter that I was stating.  That contrast is attention-getting and hooks the reader in to reading more.  In the second half of my introduction I state a few key breakthroughs in the development of the potato chip (which will probably be shortened in revision) and then, still in a moderate fairytale tone, state the purpose of the paper.  This is not covered under any specific type of introduction that is mentioned in the paper that we got on it.  It could be an anecdote or a catalog of relevant examples and facts.  Here is the original...

Once upon a time (1853) in a kingdom far far away (Saratoga)… there was a picky customer that entered a restaurant and ordered.  Unknowing that he was walking into a trap the brave Sir George Crum served an average meal.  Once the picky customer got the meal he pitched a fit and demanded better French fries, ones that were crunchier and thinner.  Taken aback by the customers vehement complaints the cunning George Crum took potatoes and cut them as thin as he could and broiled them in oil then added a dash of salt.  He had created a creation so thin and crunchy that the picky customer could not complain and would be forced to quite the contest of server and satisfaction.  When the customer got the thinly-cut-potato-fries he jumped up and proclaimed them as the best ever.  Word spread far and wide about the legendary thinly-cut-potato-fries and soon everyone wanted some.  And thus the potato chip was created, the end.

            That could be called the end of the story but really the story goes on.  It goes on to 1921 when potato chips were mass produced and sent overseas to Britain where they were called potato crisps because potato chips were French fries in Britain.  The story could go on to 1932 when Lays potato chips were started, or it could go on to 2010 when seven strong individuals in Mrs. Basko’s ninth period class endeavored to determine for themselves which type of Lays potatoes chip was the best.  Who would win the contest? Would it be the Lays Light Potato Chips, the Lays Baked Potato Crisps, the Lays Natural Potato chips, or the classic Lays Classic Potato Chips?  Well, I’ll tell you. 

 In my second introduction I am going to endeavor to reach the reader by appealing to a common experience in order to hook the reader assuming that the audience is high school students.  I also mixed in a bit of question because I believe it enhances the essay.

Teaching a writing class is never easy, being in it is even harder.  How many times can you remember being told to write a paper about something that you don't really care about, like "Write a literary critic examining whether Susy Blue's and Bobby Joes' marriage is a good marriage."?  Come on! Who actually cares about things like that.  But this paper is not like that, we were asked to sample different types of Lays Potato Chips and determine which is the best.  Sure we got very thirsty and sick of potato chips but in the end we were able to write a comprehensive paper about something that we actually care about.  Is the difference in price between Lays Classic and Lays Natural worth it? I'll tell you. 

 In my next attempt to scrap my original introduction and write another one that will improve on it, I am going to use dialogue to catch the readers interest.

"This one said 'made with olestra' does anyone know what that means?"  Six other individuals shake their heads but note the question on their worksheet.  "Which one do we want to start with?" I ask my fellow testers.  Upon getting no response I reach for the first bag which contained lays potato chips.  My six peers and I are trying to compare four different types of Lays Potato Chips and determine which is best.  In between Classic, Natural, Light, and Baked we had a lot of taste testing to do before we can declare a winner.

The last paragraph that I am going to create is going to employ a shocking statistic (with a little bit of question in there)!

"This Product Contains Olestra. Olestra may cause abdominal cramping and loose stools. Olestra inhibits the absorption of some vitamins and other nutrients. Vitamins A, D, E, and K have been added." What product have you seen this warning label on before? None because products as of 2003 no longer have to warn that they contain olestra.  A better question would be what product should contain this warning and the answer is shocking.  Lays Potato Chips, they contain olestra.  So the answer stands which type of Lays Potato chips are the best, both for your body and your wallet?

The One, The Only, Original Food Paper

This paper was a descriptive-expository-compare and contrast paper and thus we had to learn how to write these various sub-modes of writing.  The thing I found the hardest about this paper was to sound interested in something I was not because if you are bored with your topic then the reader will be bored.  The thing that I found most interesting in my research was the story of how the potato chip was made, so I decided to start with that.  Right before we started writing Mrs. Basko said it would be okay to do a two paragraph introduction so that is what I wrote.  In a strike of inspiration I started writing the rather modern tale of the creation of the potato chip in a storyteller tone and that got me pumped enough the rest of the paper just fell in line.  Looking at the prompt for the essay I figured that the easiest thing to overlook would be the compare part of the essay so I really tried to keep that in mind and write an essay that was in subject-by-subject format and compares the same points.  To get the points I went to my own personal definition of a potato chip (That was my definition part of the essay).  I also tried to use the descriptive flowery language that makes reading essays interesting to the readers.  This paper was a cumulative paper that mixed several modes of writing but then again most essays are.
I think that this paper may be one of the best drafts I have ever written.  I believe that is due to the teaching in class that we had just before writing the essay. When I reread it I thought that it was very well developed essay that was interesting to read.  I have a horrible tendency to write papers that are too long but this time I think I may have gotten it to the right length.  There really isn't anything that I could cut out without losing meaning to the essay.  However it wasn't perfect, the thing that is most apparent to me as I reread it for the first time is that I should reread my paper before I submit them.  There are misspelled words that were not caught in spell check and some sentences that didn't make sense.
My partner did not give much feedback which indicates that either my paper is pretty good or that I have a  partner that is not naturally critical. She liked my title the way it was but if I was going to change it then she thought "It's Crunch Time; Who Will Emerge Victorious" was the second best title.  She said my my introduction was attention getting, told what the reader was going to read next, and liked my opening sentence.  She did notice the occasional sentence that didn't make sense and a few misspelled words.  She also suggested even more flowery descriptive words to spice up the essay.  She also believed that it was the right length long.
I really believe that in revision I am not going to change much.  Normally almost my entire essay gets scraped in revision in favor of another rough draft but this time I think I got it right.  I am going to go through each sentence one by one and look at each, probably rephrase some of them, and fix words that are misspelled.  Overall, reading my essay after revision there won't be an overall change in the feeling it gives or the points it makes.

The Lays Potato Chip Kingdom According to Sam

Once upon a time (1853) in a kingdom far far away (Saratoga)… there was a picky customer that entered a restaurant and ordered.  Unknowing that he was walking into a trap the brave Sir George Crum served an average meal.  Once the picky customer got the meal he pitched a fit and demanded better French fries, ones that were crunchier and thinner.  Taken aback by the customers vehement complaints the cunning George Crum took potatoes and cut them as thin as he could and broiled them in oil then added a dash of salt.  He had created a creation so thin and crunchy that the picky customer could not complain and would be forced to quite the contest of server and satisfaction.  When the customer got the thinly-cut-potato-fries he jumped up and proclaimed them as the best ever.  Word spread far and wide about the legendary thinly-cut-potato-fries and soon everyone wanted some.  And thus the potato chip was created, the end.

            That could be called the end of the story but really the story goes on.  It goes on to 1921 when potato chips were mass produced and sent overseas to Britain where they were called potato crisps because potato chips were French fries in Britain.  The story could go on to 1932 when Lays potato chips were started, or it could go on to 2010 when seven strong individuals in Mrs. Basko’s ninth period class endeavored to determine which type of Lays potatoes chip was the best.  Who would win the contest? Would it be the Lays Light Potato Chips, the Lays Baked Potato Crisps, the Lays Natural Potato chips, or the classic Lays Classic Potato Chips?  Well, I’ll tell you. 

            Going into this contest my personal definition of a potato chip is as follows: a thinly sliced, crispy, golden yellow, potato slice that was boiled in oil with generous amounts of salt on it.  A potato chip must give a delectable mouthwatering crunch when bitten and leave a slight residue of salt and oil on your fingers. 

With that in mind the Lays Baked were out almost immediately.  Not only were they to brittle to give any crunch at all but the also had little to no salt, were more oily, and, as my fellow taster stated so delicately, tasted like cardboard.  They did advertise that they had 80% less fat than normal potato chips but that really doesn’t make up for all its flaws.

The potato chip that I gave 3^rd was Lays Light.  The bag is a cheerful blue with a person jumping for the “i” in light and clearly stated that it had “All the taste with half the calories!” and was “Fat Free”, also it had “Made with olestra” in very small print at the bottom.  When tasted that might be true, it tasted saltier than the others and was definitely thinner sliced potato chips and a bit less greasy.  Given just that I would have awarded it 2^nd, but then I went online I found out about olestra. Olestra was defined online as “a fat substitute that adds no fat, calories, or cholesterol, usually added to high-fat foods like potato chips, has unpleasant side effects.”  That was all the first site gave me so I looked for more, what unpleasant side effects were they referring to? Turns out that olestra causes abdominal cramping and loose stools and causes steatorrhea (anal leakage) and prevents the absorption of some vitamins and nutrients.  It was FDA approved in 1996 but they required that they add a warning label on any product that contained it.  After much pushing they took away the warning label requirement in 2003.  Olestra is so bad that it is banned in some countries including the United Kingdom and Canada.  Lays Company used this dangerous product just so that they could proclaim “Fat Free.”  I am outraged and offended that they would endanger the welfare of the nation by using olestra, which placed this type of Lays in 3^rd.

The Lays Classic comes in 2^nd and the Natural in 1^st.  I would freely admit that before my tasting tests the only potato chips I had tried was original lays so my definition of potato chips was based on them and I was bias towards them.  They are exactly my definition of really good potato chips, a thinly sliced, crispy, golden yellow, potato slice that was boiled in oil with generous amounts of salt on it.  They were good.

            However Lays Natural was great.  You could tell the difference as soon as you bit into it.  It was thicker which supplied a much more enjoyable texture.  They also had a different salt smell (they claimed to be made with sea salt which probably supplied the difference).  But they still emulated the original taste.  The difference between them was big but the best of the original (the taste) was included so they clearly came in first.

            That is my ranking of chips however, if the question was whether I would buy the natural falls into 3^rd while the Light and Original Lays move up because although the Natural Lays are better they cost much more, almost double.  I have always economical in my spending and the difference that the Naturals have is not enough to warrant spending extra cash.  I still would never buy Baked because I think they taste awful.

Resources:

http://en.Wikipedia.org/wiki/olestra#Side_Effects

Http://www.fritolay.com/lays/3simple_ingredients.html

http://dictionary.com

http://www.ideafinder.com/history/inventions/potatochips.htm